Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Top Ten Meathead Albums of 2006

What's up douchebags? It's Guy Ernest here. We all heard that geeks are in and indie is the new mainstream. But like true wimpy cookie pusses they cry when their nerdcore or indie isn't #1 on Bill's Board. Sorry, but the meatheads rule the charts. But everywhere I look on the Internette I see all these top ten lists about guys I haven't heard of. Hold Steady? Beirut? Zombies vs. Aliens? Here's the real deal: albums that everybody's heard that true macho men like. You nerds can have your chiptune: this is a new era; meat chic will take over geek chic. I'm gonna give you the top ten: Guy Ernest style!

10) Jet, Shine On(I can't find the underline button): "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" is a real man's song. None of this "Are you gonna be my ugly nerd cosplay girl with glasses" nonsense. Real tough, manly rock and roll.
The new song is more better and more toughest. "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is" is what the ladies say. Tell me you can't relate to this:


And the beat goes on

She knows nothin' is wrong

She goes down, like a setting sun, ow




Tell me you can't relate to that. Actually those lines are so truly poetic they can mean anything. Maybe she's slurpin' the sausage, maybe she fell down on the floor, maybe the Jet guy put her in a blender because she was ok with it ("she knows nothing is wrong") and he's drinking a pureed version of her. Who new those guys were so beautiful. Their lyrics. I mean.



4) Audioslave, Revelations (underlined):
One day I was depressed because a bunch of hippies made fun of me for liking Dane Cook (the best looking laughing comedian ever). I was sad until I heard "Original Fire." I was so inspired I wrote a poem called "Douchebag." Here's a taste:

What's the sound of a vinegar truck and a water truck colliding?
You, douchebag.


"Original Fire" is as beautiful as a feathered blond on a Trans-Am with a pukka shell necklace.



3) Hinder, Extreme Behaviour
You know how, when you finish a football game, you got to tap your friend on the ass and say "good game?" Well this is the musical equivalent of that. "Lips of an Angel" is a pink fluffy turd, I kno but "Get Stoned" is so smooth. One time I smoked a blunt outside of Applebee's with my friend Biff Bixby and we ordered five plates of hot wings afterwords. Me and Biff kept singing this to each other.

Lets go home and get stoned (just that part over and over again)

Man that was funny. LOLz tee hee.



2) Nickelback, All the Wright Reasons: Nevermind this came out last year. But this video takes me back to high school. I love the beginning when the guy who sings "Spider Man" holds a picture to the camera and says "Look at this photograph." I always wanted to know what photograph he was talking about.



1) Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium: The only thing wrong with this album is they talk about California more than New York. I want to make my own band called The Red Hot Chili Peppers: New York. Kind of like CSI: New York. Instead of "Californication" the album would be called "Screw York." Oh baby, solid gold wordplay. But I love how they talk about funky sex. Keep it up dudes. You're cooler than cucumbers in a penguin's fridge underneath a six-pack of Molson Ice.




UPDATE: THANK YOU HEARTONASTICK AND LARGEHEARTEDBOY

1 comment:

deek said...

possibly the worst list i have seen yet.