The Top Five Bimbo Albums of 2006

I keep hearing about nerd pride but it seems like the Internet is full of geek chic. We need to respect bimbos as well. In fact I officially declare December Bimbo Pride Month. The internet runs on porn: where would porn be without bimbos? And you try telling me that blogs like Gawker and Stereogum don't write about bimbos like Britney and Paris. I salute America's bimbos. Bimbos are also great musicians. Here are the best of the year.

5) Brooke Hogan, Undiscovered: She's got hot beats, but her muscles are sexy as well. Though I got to admit she blurs the line between bimbo and meathead. Still, very nice. A great symbol of bimbo strength. I mean she was in the same room as Paul Wall and his grills didn't scare her off. Tuff and sexy.



4) Nelly Furtado, Loose: Oh baby. Talk about hot. As soon as I hear "Furtado" I get a boner. In fact, I get horny when I hear "fart" because it sounds like "Furtado." When someone says "fart taco," forget about it.



3) Fergie, The Dutchess: Ooh, Fergie is a bimbo rite down to that urine-soaked camel toe. No shame in her game baby. I'd love to drive my Mini Cooperstretch limo across her bridge. Oh baby.



2) Jessica Simpson, A Public Affair: Let's get to the point, as Nelly Furtado would say: Jessica Simpson and funny dudes go together like pizza and beer. Dane Cook, Johnny Knoxville, Andy Dick. In fact, Jessica Simpson, I would like to publicly ask you to star in a movie with me called A Guy Thing. I salute you for working exclusively with meatheads like Dane Cook and for never being ashamed of being a bimbo.



1) Paris Hilton, Paris: Paris Hilton is the queen of bimbos. That video One Night in Paris is one of the most downloaded videos of all time. Sorry nerd, but that Star Wars video you made will never beat the Paris video. Paris is the queen of Internet bimbosity. Tell me one blog that don't talk about her. If it doesn't it's boring-it probably talks about steampunk toilets or something. Stars are blind indeed: otherwise they would all grind on Paris.