Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My New Love Song

You may know me for my zingers and ball bustin but this is no joke. Strate from the heart.

Monday, December 17, 2007

top ten indie gold hits of 7

Sup douchebags. It's guy ernest here. I am the best comedian since Shakespeare busted his ass with his hitler mustache and cane but I know that the bloggers (Mo Diggs especially-douchebag left me for the Avery new york comedy blog) the comedy bloggers don't talk to Uncle Guy. Well sorry to scratch my nuts at your orgy there, Hipsterberry Fin, but this hunky meathead from Ronkonkoma, Long Island, happens to know his way around,

wait a minute this really hip alternative hipster indie non-mainstream underground blogger named Village Vegetarian (didn't hear of him? didn't think so) aske me what my top ten indie rock songs of 2 ought 7 are. I can't link to his blog but here's the intro:

Guy Ernest is the best comedian ever. I also like David Cross but Guy Ernest is sooo much more hip. The pussy he gets. Those sexy electroclash muscle dance mooves oh baby!
Here's Guy Ernest with his top ten indie rock songs. They are the best choices and are supreme. They show and prove the bestest heart of a champion. Winning is life is a game. These are indeed the solid gold indie rock hits of ought 7.

Hey hep cats. Here are my favorite alternative songs for my alternative comedy loving fans.

10. The Killers, "When You Were Young"

This might be the best song since fight like a brave or REMS losing my relighion. This song is like your girlfriend buying you a lap dance from a stripper at a strip club. Except the strip club is Vietnam and you just won, rico.

09. Foo Fighter "The Pretender"

Alternative? Try granddaddy of alternative! To be honest, I thought Courtney Love would make Nirvana's legacy girly. But Dave Grole made the legacy more macho than ever. He's the Best the BEST THE BEST!!!

08. Fall Out Boy "Arms Race"

I didn't like this song until I saw that Verizon commercial with the weightlifer. It GETS ME PUMPED. This song is huger than a vein on a dolphin's penis. This song is like the theme song of comedy. The Clairol call of comedy. It is a goddam arms race. The comedy scene ain't a scene it's a goddam arms race. I love those black guys hanging out in the background. This is the kind of rock song that every race loves. An anthem for the American race.

I got a rap song in my dome.

Why you got a hate

I got jokes

I ll never stop

You're momma is fat

Oh baby! Solid gold comedy hits!

2. Dane Cook, "Forward"

OK we're almost getting towards the end of the list. Just a few more hoofs and thrusts and we'll be coolin down like a polar bear stripping on stage. Or heating up.
Hot and cool like a McDLT. Talk all you want but only one comedian this year was alternative enough to be a man and show his feelings. I sing this to my girlfriend Toni every night. Reminds me of Pearl Jam but if they came from Chicago.

"I'm the only one who doesn't fit in this place."

Nothing more alternative or non mainstream than not fucking Jessica Alba when you get the chance baby.

1. Finger Eleven, "Paralyzer"

With all due respect to Cook, this has that sexy downtown dance rock feel. The vocabulary is so good. I didn't know there was such a thing as a paralyzer. This song makes me wanna work out, tell some jokes, rub my victories in some scene punks face and grab Toni's juicy apple. It reminds me of the Pethouse Pet Workout video tape I used to have in 1992. This song is sexier than the whole wide internet.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Meathead Comedy Manifesto

Alternative Comedy: abserd

Meathead Comedy: The right answers to problems

AC: low energy

MC: high energy

AC: indie rock

MC: meathead rock

AC: nerd

CL jock

MEATHEAD COMEDY: High-energy logical meathead jock rock comedy

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Meet My Father Manny

Mo Diggs and I talk to my father Manny Ernest.

Kevin Meaney

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

True Man's Comedy

Once again I got my special guest Mo Diggs in the studio.

Monday, January 22, 2007

This Blogger Talks about a Candy-Covered Dick

Eww! Stupid head. Why would someone call a multi-candy-colored dick beautiful? Oh sorry it's a caterpillar. One time I went to this French restaurant that served escargo, or fried caterpillars. I asked for pizza or barbecue sauce they said no. This is worse because it's a candy-covered caterpillar.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Meathead TV

Whats up douchebags. It's Guy Ernest here. Bye bye TV run by nerds, hello meathead TV. Apple TV will let meatheads upload their video to the TV. Ooh baby. Now the world can see my muscles. Oh and the girls I bang. Check this one out. Oh baby.

Even better, nerdy fruitcake journalists with glasses (the Clark Kents) will drop off and manly journalists who look good on camera (Supermen) will win with citizen journalism. All I need is a videocamera and CBS will be shaking in its snakeskin boots. Ha ha clark kents you thought writing was good enough. No; that's the beauty; now with all this technology NO ONE WILL READ NEWSPAPERS AND YOU WILL JUST WATCH THE NEWS! WHICH MEANS UGLY NERDS WHO ONLY KNOW HOW TO WRITE WILL BE REPLACED MORE AND MOORE BY MEATHEADS AND BIMBOS WHO LOOK GOOD AND KNOW HOW TO POINT A CAMERA. THANK THE GREEK MUSCULAR GODS! OH BABY!

I'm inspired by Macho Videos. All macho videos all the time. Sorry geeks; no iPhone here. Just babes. All they need is bubbles and it will be the best website ever.

I'm gonna make a channel for APple TV in the future called MTV or Meathead TV. In the future there will be no music; just sex sounds turned into music by Matmos. Solid gold sex noise hits!

Now I know I'm hotter than a steaming pile of horseshit at Disney World, but even I can be wrong.


After seeing this Wii Sex movie I'm gonna make meathead Wii movies.

Oh baby! Seriously, I wanna make a show on Meathead TV with Wii milfs. Or Wiilfs. Maybe I'll make a film called Teen Wiilf. Or Hungry for the Wiilf. Or Castle Wiilfenstein. Or Warner Wiilf. Let's go to the video tape!

Friday, January 05, 2007

True American Hero: Otis Redding

Here;s a new segment caled true american hero. Otis Redding wrote a song called Respect. Some lady stole it from him but his version makes more sense. When I get home from work at Vitamin Universe, I need respect from my girl Toni. You said it best live at Montreal, Otis: the man needs respect.