Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My New Love Song

You may know me for my zingers and ball bustin but this is no joke. Strate from the heart.

Monday, December 17, 2007

top ten indie gold hits of 7

Sup douchebags. It's guy ernest here. I am the best comedian since Shakespeare busted his ass with his hitler mustache and cane but I know that the bloggers (Mo Diggs especially-douchebag left me for the Avery new york comedy blog) the comedy bloggers don't talk to Uncle Guy. Well sorry to scratch my nuts at your orgy there, Hipsterberry Fin, but this hunky meathead from Ronkonkoma, Long Island, happens to know his way around,

wait a minute this really hip alternative hipster indie non-mainstream underground blogger named Village Vegetarian (didn't hear of him? didn't think so) aske me what my top ten indie rock songs of 2 ought 7 are. I can't link to his blog but here's the intro:

Guy Ernest is the best comedian ever. I also like David Cross but Guy Ernest is sooo much more hip. The pussy he gets. Those sexy electroclash muscle dance mooves oh baby!
Here's Guy Ernest with his top ten indie rock songs. They are the best choices and are supreme. They show and prove the bestest heart of a champion. Winning is life is a game. These are indeed the solid gold indie rock hits of ought 7.

Hey hep cats. Here are my favorite alternative songs for my alternative comedy loving fans.

10. The Killers, "When You Were Young"

This might be the best song since fight like a brave or REMS losing my relighion. This song is like your girlfriend buying you a lap dance from a stripper at a strip club. Except the strip club is Vietnam and you just won, rico.

09. Foo Fighter "The Pretender"

Alternative? Try granddaddy of alternative! To be honest, I thought Courtney Love would make Nirvana's legacy girly. But Dave Grole made the legacy more macho than ever. He's the Best the BEST THE BEST!!!

08. Fall Out Boy "Arms Race"

I didn't like this song until I saw that Verizon commercial with the weightlifer. It GETS ME PUMPED. This song is huger than a vein on a dolphin's penis. This song is like the theme song of comedy. The Clairol call of comedy. It is a goddam arms race. The comedy scene ain't a scene it's a goddam arms race. I love those black guys hanging out in the background. This is the kind of rock song that every race loves. An anthem for the American race.

I got a rap song in my dome.

Why you got a hate

I got jokes

I ll never stop

You're momma is fat

Oh baby! Solid gold comedy hits!

2. Dane Cook, "Forward"

OK we're almost getting towards the end of the list. Just a few more hoofs and thrusts and we'll be coolin down like a polar bear stripping on stage. Or heating up.
Hot and cool like a McDLT. Talk all you want but only one comedian this year was alternative enough to be a man and show his feelings. I sing this to my girlfriend Toni every night. Reminds me of Pearl Jam but if they came from Chicago.

"I'm the only one who doesn't fit in this place."

Nothing more alternative or non mainstream than not fucking Jessica Alba when you get the chance baby.

1. Finger Eleven, "Paralyzer"

With all due respect to Cook, this has that sexy downtown dance rock feel. The vocabulary is so good. I didn't know there was such a thing as a paralyzer. This song makes me wanna work out, tell some jokes, rub my victories in some scene punks face and grab Toni's juicy apple. It reminds me of the Pethouse Pet Workout video tape I used to have in 1992. This song is sexier than the whole wide internet.